There are those in our society who take pleasure in killing the dreams and aspirations of others. Those that can’t bear to see others strive for something.
I am sad to say that I have come across these Murderers of Dreams. The ones that demotivate you to the point you feel like giving up.
I really don’t understand why anyone would find enjoyment in others misery.
Let me tell you my story….
As a child, I didn’t like what most boys my age did. I liked my own things, my own interests. Never followed the crowd, which is still prevalent today. I watched a lot of nature shows, animals fascinated me, they still do.
But by far, marine life was and is my favourite. I hoped one day to join those explorers that journey the depths of our oceans to find new species. Now this you might think is an impossible dream for someone who stays in a landlocked country. But for me, anything was possible.
1 have seen people from my country go on and do remarkable things. Why couldn’t I have just this one thing?
When it came time to chose my Advanced Level subjects, my mind was set on majoring Marine Biology at university. When my mother and uncle asked what I wanted to do, I told them Marine Biology. Instead of respecting my decision and helping me find a way to do what I really wanted, they laughed at me. Both of them.
You have no idea how this made me feel. In that we moment I saw exactly what they thought of me. Everything they had been telling me: You’re intelligent, you’re a very bright boy. All of that was a lie. In that moment I realised to them, I was just a stupid child with nonsense ideas.
Now having your wishes and dreams laughed at by total strangers does really have that much effect on you. But when it’s someone close to you, someone very close it does unimaginative things to you.
I’ve written about this before some years back on my other blog. You can read the post here.
They made me settle for a combination of subjects that I was never invested in. For the most part of two and a half years I was in a state of constant depression. I became antisocial, a loner. I just wanted to be left alone. My dreams had been crushed, they had been murdered. I saw no point in trying. Why should I continue?
For this period even my music, which has always been a form of release for me did not work. I had changed, in the worst type of way. I had given up on existence, I just wanted to go somewhere else, far away from everyone and everything.
Then the nagging started: “So Dante, what do you want to then?” ; “You cannot sit and do nothing.” Like I said I was constantly sad or agitated, so to stop all this nagging, I was fed up, I picked the most outrageous course to do just to shut them up.
Now not all of this is a tragedy. My first year in high school, I had done a bit of French, it was something I really enjoyed. While doing one of my searches I found out there was an Alliance Française in my city. I had found a few something I that could bring a modicum of happiness in my life. And I am proud to say at the moment I hold a B2 DELF certificate in French.
Then when it all seemed like things were looking up, they want me to give up my French. The one thing that brings me joy. Why? Because they believe a career in languages is not “respectable” and useful.
So if you do happen to meet me and you find I have a morbid outlook on life, just know it’s not by choice. I know longer have a an optimistic side to speak of. I have lost the ability to hope for anything good for myself..
I have not given up on my Marine Biology dream. The last and only person I truly trust has reignited my dream, has given me back some hope. I will explore the oceans, eventually..