This is sort of a continuation on my last post: Alone In A Crowded Room. “Big lil’ sis” thought it could be helpful to someone if I expanded more on it. So here it is…
Now I’m not going to say I have the solution to accepting yourself, I don’t. I’m just telling you about my journey, how I found acceptance of myself.
Like I said before, I used to be embarrassed with my scars. Embarrassed with my body. I felt damaged, imperfect, ugly. As a child it wasn’t that much of a problem, children don’t care about much.
Like I said, my nephew. He got burned all over his body and sustained 95% burns. And as I watch him, he’s the bravest person I know to date. He proved to me that it doesn’t matter what people think. It doesn’t matter what they say. Just do you and pay no attention to it.
To continue, as I started high school, I became more self conscious and self critical. Always trying to find ways of making myself look better. Doing this, let me tell you, takes a lot out of you. Which is worsened when whatever you try either does nothing or worsens the situation.
This was also a time when I was an avid Hiphop fan. Lil’ Wayne, Rick Ross, T-Pain, Birdman, Young Jeezy, you name it, it was on my playlist. To some extent I think this was one of the reasons I was so self critical.
I really don’t remember who it was or when it was exactly, but someone introduced me to Nickelback. And they spoke to me, in a way no-one ever has. I realised there was nothing wrong with me, I was fine the way I am. I didn’t need to change anything.
This then transformed, metamorphosised into a new love, a new outlet. I lost all interest in Hiphop and embraced Rock and later Metal. I had found people who I could relate to completely, who understood this state, of feeling like an outcast, a pariah.
The Rock, the Metal, that electric, the hard drums, and most importantly, the lyrics. They showed me that I Am Awesome, I’m a force to be reckoned with. I am an Army Strong As One. Invincible, Unstoppable, Unshakeable. They showed me that I should NEVER be ashamed of how I am. I should NEVER apologise for who I am. I should be CONFIDENT in my self. Walk head high, chin up.
And on my journey I came across a band named Disturbed. And with them, I’ve found a family, I’ve found my brothers, who speak to me, with every song and every lyric.
And I can proudly say, I am a #DisturbedOne, and I’m here to spread The Sickness.
*A note if you are one of those people that say Rock and Metal is just noise. Take the time to come out of your bubble, and take the time to listen to the lyrics. Why? Because I’ve found more inspiration from a Metal song than from an RnB or Soul one.
Music was, and is still my muse, my release, my comfort when no human can.